Emotional Intelligence

Anyone can become angry - that’s easy.  But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in a right way – that is not easy

-- Aristotle in Nicomachean Ethics

This is where Emotional Intelligence (EQ) paves a decisive role. Emotional intelligence is guiding one’s emotions to fulfill one’s rational goal. Reason without emotion is blind and emotions if not guided intelligently can be monsters. We all know by experience that when it comes to taking crucial decisions that shape our actions, feelings count every bit as much and often more- than thought. In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels. The rational mind is the mode of comprehension, more prominent in awareness, more thoughtful, able to ponder and reflect. The emotional mind is impulsive and powerful, sometimes illogical. Ordinarily there is a balance between the two minds. Emotions feeding into and informing the operations of rational mind,  and the rational mind refining and sometimes vetoing the inputs, but both operating as semi independent faculties.

To the degree that our emotions enhance our ability to think and plan, to pursue training for a distant goal, to solve problems and the like, they define the limits to use our innate mental abilities and so determine how do we do in life. And to the degree to which we are motivated by our feelings of enthusiasm and pleasure in what we do – they propel us to accomplishment. In this sense EQ is a master aptitude, a capacity that affects all our abilities.

Knowing something is ‘right in your heart’ offers a deeper level of conviction and certainty, something that stems from our eons of evolutionary advantage to having emotions and intuitions guide our instantaneous responses.  Thus feelings are essential to thoughts and vice versa and using the feelings as subservient to rational mind is using emotions intelligently

The word ‘emotion’ is derived from Latin word ‘motere’ which means ‘to move’ plus the prefix ‘e’ to connote ‘move away’  The tendency to act is implicit in every emotion. This is most obvious in watching children and animals who are guided by instincts being unaware of conscious consequences. The emotional skills include self awareness, identifying, expressing and managing feelings, impulse control and delaying gratification and handling stress and anxiety.

A key ability in impulse control is knowing the difference between feelings and actions, learning to make better emotional decisions by first controlling the impulse to act, then identifying alternate actions and their consequences before acting. Many competencies are inter personal like reading social and emotional cues, listening, being able to resist negative influences, taking others perspectives and the like. The EQ rests on the twin pillars of Empathy and Self Control.

According to the psychologist Salovey, EQ involves the following basic abilities:

1.    Knowing ones emotions – This implies self awareness or recognizing ones feeling as it exists. One should be fully aware with ones mental state and be able to decipher and discriminate between the subterranean inner feelings. The perception should be clear as to be able to name them like ‘I feel irritated because I am angry – angry being the emotion and the irritated obnoxious behavior its outward expression.

2.    Managing emotions – Managing and Regulating the impulsive behavior is necessary so as to utilize them for the service of the higher goal. People who excel in this quality are able to shake off rampant anxiety, gloom or irritability and bounce back quickly from life’s setbacks and upsets. Be a master to the emotions and not a slave to impulses

3.    Motivating oneself– Use the emotions to service your goals. Emotional self control – delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness underlies accomplishment of all sorts. Being able to get in “flow” state enables outstanding performances of all kinds. Just like passion about being a successful officer should keep your busy and motivated to study hard.

4.    Recognizing emotions in others - This implies understanding the mental frame of the other persons. Compassion and empathy being the cornerstone of one’s behavior to understand other’s emotions. For example there is a mother who abused a doctor. Try to understand what must be going on within her because her 5 year old child died.  Though the doctor is not wrong and should not be blamed but the psychological condition of the mother was not in a position to make a rational judgment. People who are good at this ability are more attuned to subtle social signals that indicate what others feel, need or  want

5.    Managing Other’s Emotion – Use of this social skill is necessary to understand and manage relationships with others. These are the abilities that under grid popularity, leadership and interpersonal effectiveness.  Most successful people in social lives be it politicians, religious leaders, social activists, efficient managers, actors etc are adept at these social-personal skills

People differ in their abilities in each of these domains. Someone may be adept at handling one’s own anxiety but not adept in soothing others. The underlying basis for our mental ability is no doubt neural but the brain is remarkably plastic and constantly learning. Just as the Intelligent Quotient (IQ) is genetic, EQ can be reined in. The brain machinery involved is highly malleable and EQ can be developed by practice. Lapses in EQ can be remedied as each of the above domains represents a body of habit and response that with the right effort could be cultivated.

The development of brain and its complex functions got its present mature state over years of evolutionary process. Emotions have been given central role in human physche. The process stemmed from development of lower functions to higher complex machinery. It consists of :

1.    The primitive brain (brainstem) taking care of the automatic regulatory functions like breathing, blood movement, digestion, metabolism etc. This is the simplest and the most ancient in the hierarchy

2.    The Limbic brain borders the most primitive root, the brainstem. This new neural territory added emotions proper to brain repertoire. When we are in grip of craving or fury, head over heels in love or recoiling, it’s the limbic system that has us in grip.  Over years of evolutionary process, it refined two powerful tools learning and memory. This allowed the mechanism to recognize patterns (memory) and send reflexes upon sensing. A kidney shaped Amygdala exists on both sides at the bottom of this Limbic brain. This is the seat of emotions.

3.    The higher and most complex Neocortex is the higher rational and the thinking brain. It is this which is responsible for all the analytical, reasoning and rational thought process. It offered an extra ordinary intellectual edge to Homo sapiens; have feeling about ideas, art, symbols etc. The sensory appetite of sensual pleasure and its fulfillment could be taken care by the Limbic system but the addition of Neocortex and its connection to the limbic system allowed for the mother – child bond. The lower animals say reptiles are bereft of this emotional motherhood feeling and hence the reptilian mothers eat their own eggs. Thus it allows for the subtlety and complexity of emotions and, the more complex the neocortex to limbic system connectivity, the wider range of reactions to our emotions.

In the evolutionary cycle, the emotional brain exists prior to the thinking brain. The process of brain processing goes something like this - The signals from the sensory organs say visual signal from retina come to the thalamus and get translated to the language of brain. Most of this message then goes to the Visual cortex (part of neocortex) where it is analyzed and assessed for meaning and appropriate response. If that response is emotional the signal will go to amygdala to activate the emotional centers. But a smaller portion of the original visual signal goes straight from thalamus to the amygdala in a quicker transmission allowing for a faster response. The amygdala can trigger an emotional response even before the cortical centers have fully understood what is happening.

This bypass from Thalamus to the amygdala was necessary in the long run of evolution. At the Pleistocene age, for the survival of species, it was either ‘Flight-or-Fight’ mode of operation. Even if there was a minor apprehension of the attack by a predator, the body had to be on high alert on ‘Flight-or-Fight’ mode. It could not have waited for the rational brain to analyze and come at a conclusion which could cost the species its life. The same mechanism of emotional brain giving response prior to rational brain exists today in Homo-Sapiens as a genetic makeup. The emotional brain at the very gut feeling of emergency would take the entire body and brain function within its control secreting various necessary hormones to overcome the situation.

Modern researchers have studied physiological details associated with most of the emotions like the following:

a.     Anger – Results in higher blood flow in hands which may facilitate holding a weapon of attack

b.    Fear – Makes the whole body frozen to avoid unnecessary spend of energy, greater muscle powers in legs to enable flee if the need be

c.     Surprise – Raising of eyebrows to capture more light to strike to retina covering greater visual sweep etc

Thus, the immediate response of the body to the sensory perceptions is emotional and this is given long before the rational brain gives its decision. Many must have experienced automatically while driving or going somewhere, the gut feeling comes as to avoid the drive or tour. Later on we hear of some mishap that happened on the path which we just avoided because of ‘inner-sense-gut feeling’. Indian Yogic and meditation practices have long given a similar concept in terms of ‘Kundalini Shakti’, ‘Sixth-sense’ etc The modern scientific researchers have now proven the immediate impulses generated by the Emotional brain, which could sense signs of imminent danger.

 The EQ is beyond reason and no logical justification can be given for why an emotion exists “As-Is”.  For example sometimes looking at somebody, a negative feeling comes although the brain may not find any reasonable justification for it. Emotion is ‘fait-accompli’, it can only be tamed after constant practice, exercising immense self control and delaying gratification – ie using emotions intelligently.

The Amygdala and the Limbic system makes the decisions fruitful and worthy.  That is why at times, people with Higher than usual IQ (Intelligent Quotient) fail miserably in their social lives, while people with average IQ may excel and do reasonably well. The additional EQ factor makes the whole difference because most, if not all judgments in life need a strong input of emotions. The rational brain may recognize ‘who is she’ but the emotional brain will tell ‘if I like her or not’. The rational brain may know the merits and demerits of an investment plan, the emotional ones would help recall the last disaster based on one of them. The Neocortex can tell the pros and cons per say, of the options available, but the emotional brain only can tell whether I am happy with this choice or not be it in terms of marriage, job change, kind of food, travel or people I like to be with.

Thus the brain bereft of emotions would not be able to enjoy the beauty of life, passions, feelings, bonding etc.  However the Emotions from Amygdala are strong and intense and in the absence of Self control can hijack the entire brain functioning. It is here that physcopaths or people suffering from manic depression, obsessive disorders can sway the entire neural circuitry of Neocortex turning the body to be a slave of impulses. Therefore unless the emotional input is exercised rationally, a judgment may not be true in its correct sense

EQ is needed all the more in this modern era because of absence of strong regulating social bonds.  EQ and its attunement actually develops right from the time a child is born and keeps continuously maturing, with the most within the first 4 years of childhood. Because of the mechanizations of human lives, more or less the time available with parents to develop an attunement with their children during their maturing years is dwindling. The academic curriculum in schools is more competition oriented with an undue weightage given to verbal and math (IQ) skills. There is hardly any emphasis on the child’s social development as such.

Let us examine a two months child crying at 3 AM at night. There is mother A who gets up, takes the child by her lap, smiles and looks at her slowly swinging her. The Amaygdala of the child will receive a message something like this - ‘It’s okay honey, I am there with you no matter what time it is.’  Another mother B who probably slept late at around 12 AM, already irritated due to a fight with the husband would get up, hold the baby tightly, scold her and push her to her cradle yelling to be quiet. The child’s emotional brain would get the message -  ‘ I am all alone, no one cares for me and loves me’. The distinctive state of mind will be prematurely formed here depending on the social atmosphere around.

Understanding and using correctly ones emotions becomes necessary if one need to lead a fruitful life. As said rightly, there is no issue with being emotional, it’s the appropriateness of being emotional is what matters. The application of EQ could be seen in the following:

1.    Medicine: Per the research of psychologist Robert Ader, it has been established that the Immune system has a direct connection with the nervous system. Thus not only for curing but for preventing the disease in the first place, a healthy mind is required. The more optimistic and hopeful a patient is, the better chances of recovery. On the contrary, disorganized mental states can lead to ‘somatization’ of thoughts which causes manifestation in the form of certain diseases like pain, acne etc without any underlying pathological cause for disease in body.  Hence a cheerful, happy, optimistic person is less likely to fall sick and even if he/she does, is likely to recover better if not soon

2.    Law and Order: Globally many incidents of shootouts in anger have surfaced recently. The increase in the number of rapes, child abuses, domestic violence, drug addictions, child pregnancies, alcoholism, drunken driving etc are all but some of few effects of emotional disorders. Lack of empathy, pain of the other person and inability to control ones impulses have resulted in increase in anger, irritation, loss of clear thoughts and unjustified irrational actions. EQ stands with its weight apart in terms of avoiding such impulsive actions.

3.    Family: Increase in rate of divorce rate more than in any of the previous decades, increase in children being disobedient to elders, vanishing off nuclear families are all the result of emotional outburst. Husbands and wives are more easily taken in and caught up in a web of negative feelings – abuses – counter statements – fights – egoism – attempts of character assassination – lack of trust – mutual antipathy – finally break ups. EQ is a must to save relationships.

4.    Business and Organizations – Institutes and organizations are a microcosm of the society at large moving to attain a collective goal. The importance of a more EQ equipped manager than an IQ is all the more imperative if the collective EQ of the unit or group needs to be harnessed. While the collective EQ of unit can never be more than the contribution of individual EQs together, it can none the less be much less than that provided the team does not work and deliver in cohesion.  Research at Bell laboratory have revealed that the star performers of the organization were never people with high IQ, rather they were always who could harness the inter-intra personal characteristics. A lot of formal and informal groups exist within each institute and at times of crisis, more than formal, the informal networks come to rescue. The informal groups or people’s confidence can only be utilized if one knows to emotionally steer the other person.

5.    Politics and Diplomacy – Knowing what to say, when to say and how to say matters much in political engagements. Diplomacy is not only getting the best out of the other person, its also willfully getting the best. Thus the art of persuasion, assertiveness, emergency, toughness, politeness – multiple tactics are best applied together

6.    Character, Morality and art of Democracy – We live in societies and the one who possess the traits like self control, compassion, empathy, understanding, delay in gratification, will power, determination etc in all probability be successful wherever he/she is. It takes will to keep emotions under the control of reason. Putting aside one’s self centered focus and impulses open the way to empathy, to real listening and to taking their perspective. This breeds tolerance and acceptance of differences. These capacities are more called in our pluralistic societies allowing people to live together in mutual respect and creating possibility of productive public discourse. EQ thus strikes a balance between character, morality and rationality

Thus the pressing moral imperative makes the EQ more relevant than ever. Today, the fabric of society seems to unravel at greater speed and the selfishness, violence and meanness of spirit seem to erode the goodness of our communal lives. EQ hinges on the link between sentiment, moral instincts and character. The fundamental ethical stances in life stem from emotional capacities. For one, impulse is the medium of emotion and the seed of all impulse is the feeling to burst itself in action. The ability to control impulse is the base of will and character. By the same token the root of altruism lies in empathy, the ability to understand other’s emotions.  And if there are any two moral stances that out times call for it is empathy and self restraint.

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